It has been one of those days that you spend stuck remembering as much as you can about the one you have lost, wishing you could touch, smell, or listen to him. Lost. That is the word we use for someone who has 'gone before', passed away, moved on, died. We try to use the word to make the reality of what has happened a little more generic. Lost. Like we misplaced our cell phone, car keys or favorite shirt. I will admit it is how you feel when it first happens. I soon realized, with a little divine intervention, that I hadn't lost Daniel. How can you lose something when you know where he is. I heard many times deep in my heart "MOM, you Know where I am." It wasn't like we had walked to a store and I could no longer see him or we were at a park and despite my constant counting of children, "1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4" I was missing ONE. No, it is much different. I do know where he is, therefore he isn't lost.
It has been five years since I last heard him speak. Since I last helped him with anything. Since I last saw his smile and heard him laugh. It has been five years since I have watched him play soccer, catch a fish, play with his sisters and little brother. I have been waiting five years to hear him sing in church, chase him and give him a punch kiss. I knew five years ago that it is better to think of the time yet to come. Not to think of counting the time since the last but instead look forward to the future, when I get to do all those things again. I can't wait to hear all he has been up too. A friend helped me think of it more as getting closer to when I can see him again. She wondered if Daniel celebrates the day he moved to heaven! What a wonderful thought! I am sure he does, I know the angels rejoice when we first move in! I am sure they would be glad to rejoice each year!
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