Stay Here

The last two words my oldest son spoke to me here on earth, "Stay here."

It has been eight years and I haven't forgotten anything about the room where we laid, how tired we were, how close God was.  Remembering still brings a pain from deep within my soul to a lump blocking my throat. The only way to express all that is going on in my heart and mind are the tears that stream down my face, a quiver in my chin and a sigh of my heart.  "Stay here."

Powerful words that carry sincerity in its truest form.  I write when I think, which keeps the lesson He is teaching me fresh in my heart.  I have been holding and thinking on these words for eight years and I can't believe I have never written or shared --maybe it is due to how deep the lesson goes, making it difficult to express with words what my heart has known.

Daniel's last words to me ring in my heart most often when I say the Lords Prayer.  Particularly "Thy will be done on Earth AS IT IS in Heaven."  I can still hear the vocalist sing those words as she did on my wedding day almost 25 years ago.  All my life Earth and Heaven, Eternity and Now, Spiritual and Physical have all seemed so distant and unrelated. Telling me to stay meant he was leaving.  He was going so far away I could no longer see or touch him.  I would be unable to hear his voice or laughter.  Watch him fish, play soccer, hold children. No more punch kisses and the chase that ensued. Oh the anguish that fills my heart. When he uttered those words heaven was so close it warmed me, eternity was that moment and I could not see the difference between spiritual and physical things.  There I would like to stay.

I search God's Words for when He may have said those same two words.  I googled lyrics to songs to better understand the human heart behind those words.  I have found that there are three variables to the command - stay here: place, duration and commander.  James 4 warns us about our self-confidence in making plans of where to go and what to do for how long.  Even with the best intentions "what we ought to say is 'if the Lord wants us too THEN we will do this or that'" (James 4:15)  Where am I to stay - heaven or earth?  Who am I listening to - Love or Fear?  For how long must I stay - just for now or eternity?

Long before the day I was told to stay God whispered John 16:33 to my heart; "I have told you these things that you may have peace.  Here on earth you will have many troubles and sorrow but take heart, I have overcome the world."   Most of John 16 is devoted to Jesus comforting the disciples anguish that came with the realization the Jesus was to go and they were to stay.  Many of the questions I asked, they were asking too. Jesus wanted to explain and share so much more but they were not able to comprehend more than what He had already shared. Where was He going? To His Father. For how long? A little while.  Who said?! Gods Love.  For Daniel, the answers are all the same.

A faithful follower I want to be so I will trust and obey God's command to stay here while my oldest goes where I can not, right now.  Here -  where heaven can be glimpsed and eternity has already begun and spiritual life exists so deep within our physical beings that they can not be separated. Peace flows, joy bubbles, Hope springs, His love warms and His will is done here where I stay just like the place Daniel walks, not so far away.

"In a little while you won't see me anymore.  But a little while after that, you will see me again...So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again. Then you will rejoice, and noone can rob you of that joy." (John 16:16, 22)